For those who don’t understand why those on the right don’t let celebrities run their lives, I present: Cheryl Crow. “All I want to do is have some fun” Crow was joined by pseudo-celeb Laurie David for a two-week bus tour of college campuses, declaring war on “Global Warming.” Whilst on the road, Cheryl blogged some of her solutions. April 19th produced some of the most mind-bending ideas yet.
First, Cheryl advocated using one piece of toilet paper per use, excepting “hose pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.” Perhaps the amount of crap leaving her mouth is reducing the level from her rear, but those of us who actually live life require a bit more than a single piece of see-through, recycled tissue paper. Her brother advocated “washing out” you own, personal piece. Here’s a clue: we’ve already invented this – it’s a cloth diaper. I invite Cheryl and her family to try it sometimes (and no using the help to wash it out, either.)
Then, in an attempt to save the “virgin wood” (apparently we’re cutting down the original trees grown by Mother Earth herself), Cheryl advocates eliminating paper napkins. Her solution, a removable “dining sleeve.” Now, one can fashionably wipe one’s mouth on their clothes, and then remove them for laundering. They would also be useful “to those suffering with an annoying head cold.” I can’t wait until she comes to town, I’m putting her idea to the test right before shaking her hand - I suppose she’s never heard of germ theory. Does anyone know how much energy it will take to wash all those dining sleeves? And are these sleeves going to be made with synthetic fibers, produced from oil products? If anyone wants to suggest hemp, I remind you of
I will say, however, Cheryl saved the best for last. Her proposal – a reality show rewarding the person who “lives the ‘greenest’ life” would receive a recording contract! American Idol look out (I can hear Simon’s knees shaking as I write). We all know that living a “green” lifestyle equates to vocal talent – even if the lifestyles of these crazies and rock stars are similar (think of shower habits). On second thought, perhaps this is a good idea – it might drive the last nail in the coffin of reality shows.
Cheryl, shut up and sing. Thinking isn’t your strong suit.
Margaritas ante Porcos,
Right Wing Toledo