Monday, April 23, 2007

One Flew Over the Crow's Nest.

For those who don’t understand why those on the right don’t let celebrities run their lives, I present: Cheryl Crow. “All I want to do is have some fun” Crow was joined by pseudo-celeb Laurie David for a two-week bus tour of college campuses, declaring war on “Global Warming.” Whilst on the road, Cheryl blogged some of her solutions. April 19th produced some of the most mind-bending ideas yet.

First, Cheryl advocated using one piece of toilet paper per use, excepting “hose pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.” Perhaps the amount of crap leaving her mouth is reducing the level from her rear, but those of us who actually live life require a bit more than a single piece of see-through, recycled tissue paper. Her brother advocated “washing out” you own, personal piece. Here’s a clue: we’ve already invented this – it’s a cloth diaper. I invite Cheryl and her family to try it sometimes (and no using the help to wash it out, either.)

Then, in an attempt to save the “virgin wood” (apparently we’re cutting down the original trees grown by Mother Earth herself), Cheryl advocates eliminating paper napkins. Her solution, a removable “dining sleeve.” Now, one can fashionably wipe one’s mouth on their clothes, and then remove them for laundering. They would also be useful “to those suffering with an annoying head cold.” I can’t wait until she comes to town, I’m putting her idea to the test right before shaking her hand - I suppose she’s never heard of germ theory. Does anyone know how much energy it will take to wash all those dining sleeves? And are these sleeves going to be made with synthetic fibers, produced from oil products? If anyone wants to suggest hemp, I remind you of Toledo’s no-smoking laws at restaurants.

I will say, however, Cheryl saved the best for last. Her proposal – a reality show rewarding the person who “lives the ‘greenest’ life” would receive a recording contract! American Idol look out (I can hear Simon’s knees shaking as I write). We all know that living a “green” lifestyle equates to vocal talent – even if the lifestyles of these crazies and rock stars are similar (think of shower habits). On second thought, perhaps this is a good idea – it might drive the last nail in the coffin of reality shows.

Cheryl, shut up and sing. Thinking isn’t your strong suit.

Margaritas ante Porcos,
Right Wing Toledo

4 comments:

Hooda Thunkit said...

Okay, I guess that it's my turn to explain this so-called "global warming."

When the Hollywood hot air mass meets up with the equally nutty Washington D.C. hot air mass, they fry each other's brains to Crispy McNuggets and they begin proclaiming nonsense like what was just covered.

When cooler heads prevail, Hollywood and D.C. both go into self-fulfilling prophesy mode, mentally masturbating each other into even more heated rhetoric and the cycle starts all over again.

Thank goodness that I rarely any pay attention to any of what comes out of Hollywood types, and very little of what comes out of our D.C. (mis)representatives equally empty heads.

Barb said...

the word "dingbat" comes to mind, doesn't it?

-Sepp said...

I used to think that fools like Gore, Mike Moore and the ilk preyed on college kids because campus's have a lot of "activists". After running into some college kids over the last few weeks, I have determined that the real reason these kids are targeted is because they are completely ignorant. Some of the crap these kids will repeat that they hear from morons like Crow will make your head spin.

Barb said...

When we talk with college kids, we often find they are not politically aware at all--so wrapped up in their sub culture of college life --and while there are activist students --there are many really bright kids who just take no time for following the news and issues, etc. and feel they don't HAVE the time, for that matter.

Call them "clueless."

This isolation from the real world during college years makes them ripe for harvest by school sponsored liberal activists with their one-way propaganda.